It was 2008 when I met my ex who is a seaman, wiper to be exact. I was 24 and he was 32. We bumped each other at DFA, I was applying for a passport during that time. He asked for my cell# and because I was stunned, I gave it without thinking. Yes, nasilaw ako sa pagiging gwapo at mestiso nya. He txted me regularly until I agreed to meet him at Glorietta. It was the start, soon he would pick me up from our office, I was a paralegal assistant in Makati.
Political Science natapos ko, and it was my childhood dream to become a lawyer. Unfortunately, I had to put it on hold to support my younger sister. Hindi nman ako galing sa mayamang pamilya. I was able to finish college because I was a scholar. I was a goody, reserved person prior to meeting my ex because I knew I had big responsibility to my family. But I forgot everything when I was with him. I became w reckless and overconfident.
My world only revolved around him. After work, I would see him, watched movies, roadtrip and momol session, (you know what I mean). Bago lahat para sa akin, the experience, the thrill, the sensation etc. Since I was living independently after college, my family is in our province, I was free to do anything. I totally lost control. Then we had to be separated because he would be onboard again within a month.
He proposed and asked me to marry him before he leaves. Again, I said yes without thinking. A decision I regret the most. After being bf/gf just for 3 mos, we got married in a civil rites. I did not bother to inform my family, nor his. Then a month after, he left. I learned I was pregnant and we both decided that I had to quit my job. Maselan pagbubuntis ko, he asked me to stay with his parents whom I only met once. Most of the moms here will understand how hard it is during the first trimester. And my inlaws were not a big help.
They treated me like a stranger, which was not surprising since kakakilala pa lang nmn tlga nmin. I thought it would change kpg nakasama na nila ako mtgal. I know how to deal with different kinds of people especially oldies since I stayed with my grandparents while growing up. Marunong ako makisama at lalo sa gawaing bahay. Kahit buntis ako naglalaba ng damit nila. Pero may times talaga na gusto ko lang matulog sa maghapon, most pregnant women do that. But it was taken against me, kapag di ko agad nahuhugasan mga pinagkainan naririnig ko na pagdabog ng MIL ko. I guess that was my karma for what I've done to my own family. Heto ako inaalila ng pamilya ng asawa ko samantalang sa parents ko kapag umuuwi ako, pinaghahain pa ako ng mama ko. Another strike, I almost got knocked out. Ika 5th month ng pregnancy ko, I learned I had syphilis.( one kind of STD). Ofcourse I had no doubt I got it from my ex, I never had any sexual relationship but him. When he called through sattelite phone, hindi pa uso facebook at wla pa internet mga barko, he denied na nahawa nya ako, but later admitted it.
I was frantic and worried sa baby ko. Sa 5k na monthly allotment ko non, nauubos lang sa gamot at check up. my savings nong dalaga pa ako wasn't enough for my delivery. My OB told me I can only give birth through CS operation pra hindi mainfect baby ko. My ex knew and I was expecting he would send money but Lord behold, hinarang ng inlaws ko kasi may babayaran pa daw silang palayan na binili ng ex ko.
I was forced to be admitted in a public hospital. Awang awa ako sarili ko non pero wala ako magawa kasi wala nmn ako extra money para pilitin na sa isang maayos na hospital ako manganak. My parents learned my situation dahil ngsumbong kapatid ko. From south, bumyahe sila para puntahan ako and my son. I saw my father shed tears when he saw me and my son na halos wala mfa gamit pambaby kasu hindi ako makabili.Bakit daw ganun seaman nmn asawa ko. Ilang beses nila ako kinumbinse na sumama muna sa kanila para maalagaan kmi, pero tumanggi ako dala ng hiya at ayoko din may masabi ex ko.
I wasn't fully recovered yet I had to move and do chores on my own plus alaga ng baby, pagod at puyat. Bumaba ex ko, I thought may karamay na ako. But I was totally wrong. Kapag pala asawa ka na ng seaman, you have to serve him like a king na ultimo brief, tsinelas iprepare mo. Lagi sinasabi ng ex at inlaws ko na mahirap daw trabaho sa barko at kailangan ko bumawi sa kanya. Seriously??? I thought marriage is give and take, mali pala ako. I thought they were right, so I followed them. Na kahit hindi ko na alam uunahin kong gawin, kpag tinawag ako ng ex ko sunod agad ako. Na kahit gusto ko na pumikit at umidlip kc tulog na si baby, kapag huminge sya ng sex, sige lang. Na kahit kumakain ako kpag may pinakuha or pinagawa, set aside ko plato ko hanggang sa di ko na mabalikan pagkain ko. Ganon pala ang concept nila ng marriage.
For 3 yrs, I allowed them to control me. It was 2011 when I thought I woke up from a long yet exhausting sleep. Naglalaba ako non at habang umiikot ang washing machine, parang napatanong ako. Where am I??? How did I end up like this??? Will i be like this for the rest of my life??? That was when I started to realize everything. Nagflashback sa akin lahat and I've assessed myself, san ako nagkamali??? Then I looked at the mirror, there was no trace of my old me. I only saw a loser, losyang at lifeless woman. Nong gabi ding yun, kinalkal ko gamit ko. I saw my diploma, my tor, etc. I created facebook acct and searched for my old colleagues in the law firm where I worked before. I added them at nakibalita asking if there is vacancy.
Good thing I didn't burn bridges when I left. Maayos ako nagpaalam non. Then someone replied the following day. Yung junior partner non na kaibigan ko pero nagpalipad hangin ang sumagot, na welcome pa rin nman ako bumalik.Sabi ko pag isipan ko. Then I searched for my ex's account. It wasn't hard to find him since unique last name nya. And I was able to open his acct after trying his password several times. Almost after we got married, may mga kachat2 at flirt na pala sya. At kinakatagpo nya kpag nsa Manila sya since naiiwan nmn ako sa knila.
I confronted him pero sya pa galit. Na kesyo wla na daw sya amor sa akin kc losyang na ako, na wla na dw thrill kpg nagsesex kami, na hindi na dw nya ako matingnan kasi nasusuya lang dw sya sa akin, at mas ok nga daw na maghiwalay kami. Na kung aalis daw ako, iwan ko anak ko.Hindi ako makapaniwala na after giving up everything for him, na kahit sarili ko nakalimutan ko, ganito yung balik nya sa akin. Buong magdamag ako impit na umiiyak para di marining ng inlaws ko. Nagchat ako ulet sa kanya na ayusin muna namin, na kakalimutan ko infidelities nya bsta wag lang kmi maghiwalay. Pero babae na ngreply sa akin, sinend mga pictures nila na msaya sila mgksma. Na while I was suffering alone, sya pala masaya sa kandungan ng iba.
At pinamukha pa sa akin mga expensive na regalo ng ex ko, samantalang ako dala nya chocolates kailangan ko pa magpaalam kung kukuha ako. It took a while before I accepted that I lost, na kahit pilitin ko pa ex ko wala na tlga. I left their house but definitely I brought my son with me. Ayaw pa ipadala ng inlaws ko, but this time I used my brain. Maalam ako pagdating sa batas and I knew they would lose any custody battle if they would insist. Sabi ko magkita na lang kami sa korte kung gusto nila kunin anak ko. I went straight to my parents and temporarily left my son. Nakabalik ako sa law firm and kinuha ko anak ko nong nakaluwag na ako. Nagpart time online ESL teacher din ako pangdagdag income.
I didn't hear anything from my ex, I didn't change my cell# so he can still call me. A year after I left, 2012 non when I filed for our annulment. Yung atty na kilala ko na gusto manligaw sa akin non pero sopla ko lagi, nagoffer na pro bono case nya daw annulment ko. He is my friend and a colleague before I even met my ex. Pero dahil close ako sa kanya as barkada, hindi sya non nakaporma. At alam ko mga kalokohan nila non kaya turn off ako. Little did I know na magagantso ako ng seaman. Haha. Contrary to what other people say here, there is no need for the other party to sign the annulment papers for the case to proceed. Dapat nga walang agreement between parties kc matatawag na collusion yun. My ex did not even show up in court while the case is being heard. Ano grounds na sinampa ko? Nahawa nya ako ng STD non, a communicable sexual disease. It was a blessing in disguise kasi yun ang reason bkit madaling nagrant annulment namin.
I had medical certificates, reseta ng mga gamot, na fortunately naitago ko. Plus sbay din kmi non nagpacheck up ng ilang beses kya meron din sya record non. And while our annulment case was ongoing, I was busy rebuilding myself. Tinuloy ko mag aral ng abogasya, that time yung sister ko na pinaaral ko non ay nasa abroad na at sumagot ng tuition fees ko, sahod ko pra naman sa anak ko. I started to open myself to other people, mingle with friends. Sumasama ako kapag mga group na lakad at bitbit ko din anak ko kpag mga out of town trips. Nong nagrant annulment ko, niligawan ako ng kakilala kong lawyer na nagvolunteer na hawakan case ko ng libre, probono nga dw nya. At first, hesitant ako. I told him I wasn't ready yet knowing yung pinagdaanan ko. But he was patient, hindi nya ako dinaan sa bilis. Everyday sa office, pinaparamdam nya na ako ang boss nya, a huge difference sa ex ko na ako ang nagsisilbi.
Tanggap din nya anak ko at kapag may mga okasyon like bdays, nagbabonding sila. Then when he asked me suddenly to dine with his family, natakot ako. Kinutsaba pa nya mga friends namin sa office para umoo ako. Dahil hindi naging maganda pakikitungo sa akin ng inlaws ko, andon na yung takot ko na ganon din mangyayari ulit. Pero they are down to earth. Lalo na Dad nya, na sinabi pang pabiro na naglasing daw anak nya nong kinasal ako bgla. Marami nmn dw naging fling pero ako pa din dw bukambibig anak nila. So nong nakipgcommunicate nga ako non ulit, nabuhayan dw loob at bka sign na this time ipaglaban na nya ako. I was touched and was teary eyed, I didnt know that this person really love me.
So nong pauwi na kami para ihatid nya ako, sabi nya just give him a single shot to prove his love at papakita daw nya, at hindi daw ako magsisisi. So sabi ok, we'll see but no expectations at all. Ayoko na igamble lahat2 at sa huli talunan ulit. But he did really show me how to be loved. Yes, iba pala kapag yung tao ay mas mahal na mahal ka. Na kahit galing sya ng hearing at malayo sa office magdrop by sya to see me. It was last year when he proposed, sinurprised nya ako. Our family were both presents. Nagpaalam pala sya sa papa ko at di ko mapigilan umiyak. Na may tao pala na pwede magmahal sa akin ng ganito.
December 2016 was our planned church wedding date. But our relationship was tested when around October my ex suddenly showed up claiming he didn't know our marriage was already annulled. Wow naman. After how many years na wala man lang kahit kumusta, sasabihin nya magbalikan kami for the sake of our son???? Ganon lang kadali non s kanya na itapon pamilya nmin, kung kelan masaya at tahimik na kami saka sya susulpot. His arrogance is at max level, na parang sa ilang taon na wala sya sa buhay ko, tumigil ang mundo ko at magreresume pagbalik nya. Nakita ko narattled lawyer ko, sabi nya kung ano daw decision ko hahayaan nya ako kahit halos nkaset na kasal namin.
His unselfish love, natanong ko sya kung deserved ko ba ang tulad nya? at kung kaya ko pa ba suklian ang pagmamahal nya. He said we have a lifetime to prove to each other kung hanggang san ang kaya namin. Yes, tinuloy ko pagpapakasal sa kanya. While walking down the aisle, yung naiiyak sya at pinagpapawisan. When he said our wedding vows, iba pala ang pagmamahal na pinaghihirapan at pinagsikapan abutin, na akala nya naiwala na nya ako non but God gave him the chance.
Sa ngayon isa na din akong lawyer. Hayaan nyo, after ko manganak at hindi na hectic schedule ko I will also accept probono cases ng mga battered at deprived seaman's wives bilang pasasalamat ko din sa happiness na tinatamasa ko ngayon. To all seafarers, dont think you are above your wives just because you are earning dollars and your work is more difficult than others. That your homesickness is an excuse for you to commit infidelity. Most of all, dont put them in a box, let them choose if they want to be successful on their shoes. I know the difference of having a distant husband and the physically present one. And mind you, mas madali na kasama mo lagi asawa mo. So hindi din madali na naiiwan mga asawa nyo. Dont wait for such time na yung taong binalewala at tingin nyo ay basura, sya namang greatest love ng iba. Thanks for reading.
Sa ngayon isa na din akong lawyer. Hayaan nyo, after ko manganak at hindi na hectic schedule ko I will also accept probono cases ng mga battered at deprived seaman's wives bilang pasasalamat ko din sa happiness na tinatamasa ko ngayon. To all seafarers, dont think you are above your wives just because you are earning dollars and your work is more difficult than others. That your homesickness is an excuse for you to commit infidelity. Most of all, dont put them in a box, let them choose if they want to be successful on their shoes. I know the difference of having a distant husband and the physically present one. And mind you, mas madali na kasama mo lagi asawa mo. So hindi din madali na naiiwan mga asawa nyo. Dont wait for such time na yung taong binalewala at tingin nyo ay basura, sya namang greatest love ng iba. Thanks for reading.
Story from Seaman's Girlfriend Confession FB
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